Joke Thread In Honor of Old 68

[Malaria_Kidd II]

Thank You, Riddick

Dito, thanks Frederiddick for the meme poster marathon. All three of us can rely on You Tube, not cable channels, for our own Jim Varney videos 24, 7.


MK II FDNY 343

[Riddick]

In addition to sublime play on the baseball diamond, the legendary Yogi Berra was known for his memorable quips. Here's some of the most famous sayings attributed to the Yankees icon.

• You can observe a lot by watching.

• If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be.

• I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.

• Take it with a grin of salt.

• If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.

• It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.

• I knew the record would stand until it was broken.

• Never answer an anonymous letter.

• In theory there is no difference between theory and practice; in practice there is.

• Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.

• I guess the first thing I should do is thank everybody who made this day necessary.

• If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.

• We’re lost, but we’re making good time.

• It was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I’ve had a couple of those.

• Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

• You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.

• No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.

• We made too many wrong mistakes.

• Pie a la mode, with ice cream.

• The future ain't what it used to be.

• Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.

• I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.

• So I'm ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face.

• He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious.

• When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

• A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

• Always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise, they won't come to yours.

• Half the lies they tell about me aren’t true.

• I never said most of the things I said. Then again, I might have said ’em, but you never know.

• It ain't over 'til it's over.

• And last but certainly not least: "It's deja vu all over again."

[Malaria_Kidd II]

"Oh Yogi, thanks for your everlasting to everlasting perfect quips!" I was thinking, where did that come from? It was 2 words from God spoken by Cecile B. Demill in his "Ten Commandments" to fit our nations pro catcher icon!

Thanks Riddick!


MK II

[Riddick]

[Riddick]

[Riddick]

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the Cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'

Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman...He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'

Passenger : 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'

Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'

Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.'

Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.'

Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'

Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'

Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'

Cabbie: 'Well...I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife...'

[Riddick]

An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators.

The engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?"

Satan says, "Hey things are going great! We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! "

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue!”

"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"

[Malaria_Kidd II]

That was a quiet riot!


MK II

[Riddick]

[Riddick]

[Malaria_Kidd II]

Riddick Waaay up there North way!

I really laughed at your choices tonight! Oh, yes! Thanks!

MK II

[Riddick]

[Riddick]